When Bunnies Attack!
by ArtFreak101
Summary: My collection of crossovers and ideas that just wont happen... but are still fun to think about!
1. summon THIS!

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing that you read in this fic. If I did, would I really be posting fan fiction when I could be making money off of it?**

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_**WHEN BUNNIES ATTACK!**_

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Ten year old Naruto sat in the empty training ground of the school and frowned at the dusty scroll he'd stol- _borrowed_ from the library. Earlier that day Iruka sensei had talked about History and Kage's and Sennin.

And _summons!_

Now THAT was an idea. Since people hated him and he could make no friends, maybe instead he could just call some up with some kick ass ninjutsu!

Unfortunately, the library had so summons scrolls.

They did however have scrolls on summoning. Not toads or monkeys, but objects instead. There had been a whole shelf about it. He grabbed the oldest and most inconspicuous scroll he could find, so they would be less likely to realize it was missing.

A brief overview explained how a drawn seal channeling chakra brought technology and other modern amenities to the Shinobi nation. It said how seals could vary in complexity depending on what you wanted to summon.

Ninja were unsure just where the technology came from, but suspected something similar to the dimension from which animal summons came.

They'd even drawn an example for him to use!

Using his blood and some ink he'd also borrowed from the library, he copied the seal into the training ground, only ten times bigger. Bigger was better right? Besides, he was always short on gear and supplies. This would allow him to stock up on some awesome ninja stuff all at once!

He looked from the scroll to the poorly drawn seal on the ground. "Eh, close enough."

With that, he did like he always did with chakra and pumped as much into it as he could directly into the ground.

Little known fact:

Hand signs are technically not necessary. They are used in focusing your chakra into doing what you want while bending the laws of physics. Ninja, after mastering a technique have been known to improve by performing the technique with shortened hand signs or sometimes skipping the hand signs completely only using the hands as a focus.

This theory isn't taught because lingering doubt when doing something dangerous tends to blow up spectacularly in ones face.

The art of fuinjutsu is similar only in that through blood ink and chakra, you are letting the seal do the work for you. This is true because really, how else does a little piece of paper and writing know what you want to accomplish?

Naruto knew that he sucked at ninjutsu. However he didn't have to worry about that now since the seal would do all the work for him! He had more confidence then he knew what to do with! He would work through this problem like he did everything else!

Brute force!

Chakra flew through the seal…

But something else about the theory of ninjutsu in performance that makes this theory just a _little_ harder to prove… is that the minds of the people controlling reality really limit themselves on what can be bent… and what can be broken.

It also helps to have an idea as to what you want accomplished.

On the bright side, Naruto just invented his own kanji for "super-cool-awesomeness"!

The citizens of Konoha paused as a tremor shook the city.

Naruto looked at the object through the smoke and dust. It certainly _looked _cool. It was black, shiny and sleek, four rubber wheels, windows and seat on the inside… Some kinda carriage? Why was it making a loud growling noise?

Spotting something hanging off the antenna, he climbed up on the car and pulled it off. "Sweet! I got a new hat!" He plopped the cowboy hat on his head.

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VRRRRRRR_RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr_

_SCREECH!_

"AAAGGHHH!" Naruto, Kiba and Hinata all screamed as he yanked the wheel, making a sharp turn at 50 mph. Kiba's leg when flying across the seat accidently hitting the radio.

"_East bound and down, loaded up and truckin', we're gonna do what they say can't be done. We got a long way to go-"_

"What language is that?" Kiba wondered but couldn't stop himself from bouncing along with the catchy song.

"Which way?" Naruto asked as he only peeked over the steering wheel while his feet touched the petals.

"LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT!" Hinata found herself screaming directions as they almost constantly hit civilians while nin's where running across the rooftops trying and failing to keep up with the speeding vehicle.

"_-watch ol' Bandit run!"_

"LEFT- I MEAN RIGHT!" Hinata yelled and corrected herself too late. It no longer mattered as they plowed through the fruit stand like it wasn't there. Time moved by as apples, oranges and other fruit bounced off the windshield. Strangely they didn't feel bad about it… It was as if that fruit stand's sole purpose was to be run through...

THOP

Hinata became distracted as a small orange book hit the windshield and was caught by the wiper blades. With her bloodline going, she got a very detailed look at the illustrations on the open page.

"THIS IS AWESOME!" Kiba yelled as he and Akamaru stuck their heads out of the open window. "Arf!" Akamaru agreed. It was an adrenalin rush! They'd never before smelled so many different things all at once!

Hinata nodded in agreement as she was still looking at the book. She wished she could turn the page…

THUD THUD

Naruto looked up at the rear view mirror. Funny… he could have sworn he'd already run over that weird medic nin guy earlier… (sniff sniff) He knew that smell. "Kiba! Take the wheel!"

"What" Why?" Kiba begrudgingly pulled his head back in the vehicle and took the wheel as Naruto stuck his head and arms out of the window, stretching his arms as they passed a familiar little stand-

"YOINK!"

The Hokage blinked as a strange vehicle sped passed them and pulled a bowl of ramen right out of his hands.

_SCREECH!_

As the vehicle took another sharp turn with several Anbu and one furious Kakashi chasing after it, he heard a familiar voice crying out, "Aagghh! It burns!"

"_-watch ol' Bandit run!"_


	2. spring of drowned men?

**With an Amazon Village just down the road, you would think to find a great many more springs of drowned men…**

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**TAKE 01**

He put up a token resistance really despite his actions and spoken warnings. It had become a universal truth that people who _trained_ at Jusenkyo became _cursed_ by Jusenkyo.

So when a loud 'Sploosh' interrupted his warnings he was anything but surprised.

The 'Sploosh' had been precluded by a 'Splash" as a fat 500 LBS Scotsman leapt out of the pool and balanced on a bamboo pole he shouldn't have had the grace to do.

"Oh! Honored guest fall into spring of drowned Fat Bastard! Not so tragic tale of Fat Bastard who drown in spring two years ago."

If Ranma heard, he did not heed as he was probably too grossed out staring at the fat guy that was literally pouring out of his fathers cloths.

"Get in mah belly!"

KICK

SPLOOSH

The guide winced as the boy fell into the opposing pool to Gen- Fat Bastard. He clapped his hands in prayer. "Honored guest fall into spring of drowned bad oral hygiene British super spy who drown two years ago." He paused in memory of the event. "Not tragic at all." He paused again.

A European sports car painted in the style of the British flag drove out of the pool with a very 60's style pimp behind the wheel. "Yeah Baby!"

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**TAKE 02**

Ranma smiled as his kick sent his father flying from the bamboo pole and into the spring below him.

Ramna stopped smiling as six Genma's bobbed to the surface of the pool. "BOY!" He cringed as the six Genma's yelled at him in stereo. As one they jumped back onto a bamboo pole.

That is, they all _tried_ to jump back onto the _same_ bamboo pole…

"Oh, Honored guest has fallen into spring of drowned men! Tragic tale of man who fall into spring six times before drowning three years ago!

The six Genma collided with each other atop the pole rather than land on it, causing them to fall back into the other springs.

SPLOOSH, SPLOOSH, SPLOOSH, SPLOOSH-SPLOOSH,SPLOOSH!

Ranma smiled again.

"Oh, Honored customer has also fallen into springs of drowned preteen girl, spring of drowned geisha, spring of drowned hermaphrodite, spring of drowned old lady, spring of drowned Pam Anderson but revived shortly after on an unseen episode of Bay Watch, and spring of drowned rock."

Karma's a bitch.

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**TAKE 03**

Ranma gaped at the panda dressed in his father's cloths and balanced on the bamboo pole across from him. Unfortunately shocked enough that the guide's words went completely unheard as the panda rocketed forward and kicked him off his own pole and into a spring…

"Oh, Honored customer fall into spring of drowned Amazon Men! Tragic tale of Amazon men who run away from village 3000 years ago!"

111111111111111

Two days travel from the spring, an ancient woman looked up as a set of bells began to chime in her hut. The bells signaled a bit of magic at a certain cursed spring.

Smiling, Cologne hobbled out of her hut to a group of assembled Amazon warriors who readied for patrol. "Look alive Grand Daughters! The Great Amazon Husband hunt is upon us!" Cheers erupted around her as they began the celebration of a great day in history.

It was actually their main source of new blood into the tribe. It wasn't every day that forty-two Amazon men were returned to the village. Just every century or so.

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**TAKE 04**

"Oh, honored customer fall into spring of drowned red nosed reindeer! Tragic Christmas tale of drunken deer that crash into pool last Christmas!"

SPLOOSH!

A reindeer flew out of the pool to land daintily back atop the bamboo pole over the spring. "Now that wasn't very nice…" It spoke with a nasally voice as its nose began to glow an angry red.

"Wha?" Ranma's coherent thoughts were cut short by a pair of antlers to the gut, sending him into the pool below.

"Oh dear!" The guide rushed over to the spring with the deer following him. "Young honored customer fall into spring of drowned Snowman! Tragic Christmas tale of Snowman who fall off drunken deer last Christmas!"

Slowly, a silk top hat and corn cob pipe floated to the surface of the pool. The guide looked over at the horrified expression on the deer. "Sorry?" He offered.


	3. channel surfer

Yoko Kyubi sighed as it lounged in the human jail cell it had woken up in a few years ago. As this was not the first time it had been imprisoned within a human, this came as no surprise. Though it was annoyed to learn that as soon as it had achieved freedom, some jackass had controlled its will!

Had it the chance, it would have left this realm and the annoyingly stupid humans to themselves! But nooooooo… Being a living energy construct of all the negative energies in the world, everyone assumed it would sooner destroy the world than do anything else!

Sure, it destroyed a few civilizations, but really, they started it! All it had to do was walk around and people would attack it!

But yes! It would have left this stupid world to itself! Reality bending was not a terribly difficult thing to do. Many humans did it all the time with their chakra. It was just their own puny human minds that clouded the fact that collectively they could shape more than the immediate area around them.

They could re-write the whole world as their own story if they ever realized the potential of channeling the life energies. Energies that they still failed to realize made up more than just the four elements.

Still, there were stronger forces at work as well. One shouldn't get carried away least they be watching. Stupid Shinigami. It was his seal that bound it and kept it from escaping and bound its own reality bending.

It supposed… if it really wanted to it could force through the seal barrier. But it had no desire to invoke the Death God's wrath. All things die after all. Death existed before life in the absence of life.

That and the likely possibility that trying with its powers bound (while it might break through and succeed) would likely destroy the reality. Along with itself. That would be a no go.

And so it sat in its cell and watched the mind of the vessel…

A large fuzzy view screen appeared on the wall opposite of the cell.

Damn it. Another sappy dream of uniting with his parents? Didn't _anyone_ tell him they were dead? If it wasn't dreams of family it was ramen. Or being Hokage, that being the only respected person he knew in the village.

Hmm… it couldn't bend reality outside of its prison. But suppose it tried to bend reality _within _its prison. It would have to be very limited… but… maybe right about…

_**DREAM SEQUENCE…**_

It was a good dream. Not that Naruto realized he was dreaming in his dream, but still overall it was a happy thought if only while it lasted.

Old man Hokage had given him the hat and everyone was nice to him and someone had handed him a bowl of ramen and standing on the roof over the Hokage's office looking over the village someone was approaching him that he just _knew _seemed familiar-

_BZZZ- SLASH!_

"AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!"

Naruto fell backward, now holding on to the roof by one hand and looking at the burnt stump where his right hand used to be.

Looking up, and intimidating man in black armor head to toe with a black cloak and scary black mask stood looking down at him with a glowing red sword that buzzed.

"**Naruto."** The man spoke in a deep almost electronic projected tone. He reached down to him with an open hand. **"You have not yet reached your full potential. Join me, and I can complete your training. With our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the fire nation!"**

"I'll never join you!" Naruto shouted back at him. Why would he ever join this nut job? He cut off his hand! That was his favorite hand too!

The open hand of the man closed into an angry fist. **"If you only knew the power of the dark side. Old man Hokage never told you what happened to your father…"**

Naruto blinked at this sudden change of topic. But no, Old Man never did tell him who his parents were, though he was pretty sure the old man knew. Why else would he show favoritism to him outside of all the other orphans in the village?

"**Naruto…"** Black armored guy got his attention again. **"I am your father."**

"No…" Hokage told him his parents were dead in the Kyubi attack. "That's not true!" His father couldn't be this bad guy could he? "That's impossible!"

"**Search your feelings! You know it to be true!" **Black armored guy too another reach out to him.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

_**END DREAM SEQUENCE…**_

"AAAUUGGHH!" Eight year old Naruto shot up in his bed panting with feigned exhaustion and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw his hand was still there.

He'd had dreams about finding his family before. But that… That…

"THAT WAS AWESOME!"

_**THE NEXT DAY AT THE ACADEMY…**_

The students and staff of the school watched the _normally_ hyperactive orange demon child today dressed in strange black armor, levitating every inanimate object within sight and slicing though it like butter with a glowing red buzzing sword…

_BZZZ- SLASH!_

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DIE JEDI SCUM!"

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Kyubi paused its re-watching of Star Wars as it felt a faint tickle in the back of its mind… Odd… It almost felt like something was bleeding off its reality bending abilities…

"**NAH."**


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